Posted: Friday, March 3, 2017 6:00 pm

Life is full of facing hard truths—relationships fail, international treaties fall apart, and the Caf closes on spring break. It’s difficult, I know, but we will survive. At these trying times we are forced to look off campus to satisfy their grumbling stomachs. Seattle’s east side hosts a thriving food scene, but no matter where one goes sacrifice is necessary. I call them the Unholy Trinity.

The Wallet Emptiers

Need I explain more? You can find good food in no short supply, but it won’t be nice to your pocketbook.

  • Toshi’s Teriyaki: 959 6th St S, Kirkland

            Good teriyaki at decent prices.

  • Shamiani: 10724 NE 68th St, Kirkland

            An Indian restaurant across the street from the Starbucks at Houghton Center. Quiet, simple, and tasty.

  • Pho Tai: 147 Park Ln, Kirkland

            Nice Vietnamese food in downtown Kirkland. The #5 steak and flank pho with beef broth is an almost spiritual experience, it’s so good.

  • Lai Thai: 120 Park Ln # B, Kirkland

            Excellent Thai food across the street from Pho Tai. Green curry is a personal favorite.

The Heart Palpitators

Your pupils will dilate. Your hands will shake. Seattle is a city that never sleeps, but it’s not because of constant activity. It’s the caffeine.

  • Zoka Coffee: 129 Central Way, Kirkland

            Excellent selection and a lovely interior. High-key hipster vibe.

  • Rococo Café: 136 Park Ln, Kirkland

            Small shop with great coffee and a no-nonsense style. Free drip refills are a total blessing (camp out here during finals and midterms).

  • St. James Espresso: 355 Kirkland Ave, Kirkland

            Perfect spot for a coffee date. Good espresso, tasty sandwiches, and whole wall of board games. Close to Kirkland Library.

  • Mercurys Coffee: 8506 122nd Ave NE, Kirkland

            Hyped but good. Their chai lattés are pure delight.

The Artery Cloggers

Your stomach might hate you for it, but these places won’t break the bank.

  • Wendy’s: 312 Central Way, Kirkland

            If you don’t order your frosty with a side of fries, you’re doing it wrong.

  • McDonald’s: 8515 124th Ave NE, Kirkland

            McChickens for days.

  • BurgerMaster: 10606 Northup Way, Bellevue

            Better quality than the previous two but not as cheap. Get the        Tom & Jerry shake, it tastes like eggnog. *heart eyes emoji*

Most every place you eat on the east side should fit into one of these three. If not, something’s wrong and you should contact the Kirkland zoning authorities immediately.

Bad things happen to good people. Little kids drop their ice cream cones on sidewalks; sometimes you step in dog poo. Occasionally the Caf is closed on spring break, but you didn’t come this far to be a quitter, did you?